HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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