when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
