Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
