I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
