So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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