Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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