I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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