What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
