Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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