I got chris browned last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just google imaged poop.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
