went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
