I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
