Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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