Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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