You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
