I'm so fucking centered right now
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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