yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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