ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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