i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
