he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
