I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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