I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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