I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Randomize
