had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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