You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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