New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
