Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drake has all the answers
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
