is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im part way to drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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