Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
