Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
