I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
