I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
