im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
