At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
