FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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