Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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