I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
