wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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