his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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