cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
