So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
