Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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