I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
