I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
