I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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