I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
