sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
