I met the friendliest cop last night
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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