my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
