The beer is more important than you right now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
