I will die if light touches me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
