Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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