i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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