What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
