Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
